It has been a long year for all of us. Whether you have been impacted by the increasing interest rates, events in the Middle East, or the US elections (or perhaps all three), most of the people I speak to are looking forward to the end of 2024 and the start of 2025. Before the new year rolls in, however, many of us will be spending time with family through the Christmas and holiday period. At the best of times, family gatherings can evoke trepidation and a sense of vulnerability. This year, I have heard many tell me they are going to find a way to ‘be sick on the day’ or simply opt out.
SYSTEMIC CONSTELLATIONS
I recently attended a training on Systemic Constellations which reminded me of how many of our family and organisational dynamics go unspoken even as they influence so much of how we show up in the moment. You may be the CEO of a successful startup, but at home around the kitchen table, you become the middle sister who feels she is always getting unfairly blamed. You may be the patriarch of your own family, but suddenly you find it hard to stand your ground with your own frail father. I may be articulate and extraverted at work but become tongue-tied and withdrawn when surrounded by my extended family.
Systemic Constellations helps us to map a client’s inner world, almost like an x-ray of the system dynamics that exist. A range of principles, techniques and specific language help unlock an issue that has been stuck for generations or open up a new possibility in the endless recycling of an organisational conversation. Whether we use wooden figurines or our own bodies, re-creating a system can lead to powerful insights.
STRANGE THINGS HAPPENED
My foray into this kind of work was over twenty years ago when a colleague volunteered to constellate the organisation we both worked for. Strange things happened. First, the person representing one of our founders, an art collector, ended up facing the only piece of art in the room. He stood with his back towards the rest of the group, an articulation of his detachment from the business. Second, in the middle of the constellation, the man representing the CEO explained that he had to leave and catch his flight. He apologised for not telling us earlier. ‘He always does that to me,’ my colleague blurted out in frustration. ‘In the middle of a meeting, he simply gets up and says he has to be somewhere else.’
I realised there was something to this, but I was not quite sure what it was.
It has taken me circa twenty years to have the time and space to train in this methodology, and with someone who brings the years of experience, creditability and knowledge I require. Constellating and re-enacting unconscious dynamics can sit in the realm of ‘woo-woo pop psychology’, or it can be a powerful tool in creating change. In the example above, we were able to consider the dynamic that always resulted in the abrupt ending between the CEO and my colleague, and consider what might be a ‘step to better.’
REMAINING LOYAL
One of the most useful questions/sentences posed through this training was: To whom are you remaining loyal, and how is this serving (or not) the current system? This could be a person, for example a father, a mother, an ex-CEO or a colleague; or it could be an ideal or a particular functional discipline. Our loyalties run deep, are seldom expressed and yet, they drive so much of our behaviour. An Operations Director being loyal to how his previous bosses did things and what an Operations person was ‘supposed to be like’, inhibited his ability to be strategic despite having the intellect and capability to do so.
During our course, we watched as a CEO finally realised that in the choice between cost cutting and growth, growth was what was needed. She also realised that she was not the one who could take the organisation in that direction. In my own constellation, it became apparent that my client was remaining loyal to the previous CEO rather than acknowledging, and having a conversation with, the new CEO. The trainer spoke about a system in which a newly appointed CEO suddenly realised that the four previous CEOs before him had left as ‘failures.’ What was going to stop the same thing happening to him? What would need to change systemically?
THE SYSTEM
Therein lies the rub. Our organisations today place a premium on the individual contribution, seldom recognising that much of a leader’s success or failure is about the system and its unspoken dynamics, as much as it is about their individual capabilities. Our talent activities and leadership development programs are built on the belief that increasing the capability of the individual will ultimately improve the system as a whole. But how often do we see the same cycles repeating in organisations, leadership generation after leadership generation. In designing an offsite for a client, I am now paying much more attention to the systemic elements that exist, before we consider how to move forward.
I still have more of the training to complete, so there are no free offers to experiment as yet (!), but it is exciting to have a new way of working to complement the psychodynamic systems training that I have done to date. All of us can benefit with some new way of thinking or being as we enter the festive season so I offer you this simple question as you get ready for that family time: ‘To whom are you being loyal, and in what way is that serving you (or not) right now?’
Answering that question is not always simple. We have to be prepared to look at our system in an unflinching and honest way. Acknowledging the role of those in the system who have died or not (yet) been born can bring up painful emotions but is necessary for shifts to happen. I often start my work by asking people to tell me their story. Most people start at around 7 years or 12 years’ old, sometimes a little earlier. But one client said to me, ‘My story started before I was born.’ It emerged that her grandfather had died while her mother had been pregnant with her. When she was born, she brought a sense of happiness and possibility back into my family system. She could not tell her story about herself without acknowledging the broader dynamics.
GRIEF AND FEAR
Personally, I struggled to write this season’s Seasonal Reflections. As spring arrived in Sydney with its fresh buds, blue skies and rain, I could not quite find the words that reflected the external reality. I tried to find something light and fun to write about. Spring is, after all, the season of delight and hope. But in line with being true to what is, I needed to acknowledge that while on the surface my world looks bright, that is not my inner experience. There are too many things in my world right now that feel heavy; I carry much sadness and grief, fear and anger as I get to the end of 2024. This Seasonal Reflection therefore reflects a more muted tone than the typical colours of spring. I hope it has none-the-less been interesting and useful.
Wishing you all time to rest and connect as best you can through the holiday period.
Until next season
Carmel
With thanks to John Whittington
PAUSE FOR REFLECTION
To whom are you remaining loyal, and how is this serving you (or not) in the current system?
This system may be your organisation, your current family, your family of origin, your friendship group or any other system of which you are a member.